Dear Vanja Komatina,

I am King Edward of Britain and I have come across your Twitter account recently;  I have fallen under your spell and hope that you contact me at the address listed below to let me know more about you.  You should know that I am currently incapacitated and can not be reached directly at this time but that should change within the coming weeks.  I am having issues with the royal party, as one member has placed conditions on my reign, and as a result will be removed from the party and tried for child endangerment, immediately (along with my mother - who will most likely only suffer a restraining order).  My life is complicated;  I hope yours is not;  And if it is, then we’ll have something to talk about :0)  Can I take a guess at what field your PhD is in?  Child Psychology.  Was I close?  Anyways, I look forward to hearing from you when I get to Buckingham, so take care.

Sincerely,

King Edward of Britain.

Please send mail to…

King James Douglas Edward of Britain

Buckingham Palace

London SW1A 1AA

United Kingdom