Dear Victoria Regina,

Well mom, I did it, I found the perfect queen, wore my heart on my sleeve, and she blocked me.  You blocked me too, when I was a baby, and my life has not been better since.  I remember seeing you when I was in Guelph;  I can only assume that it was my father behind you when you approached me in the lobby of the, Royal Inn and Suites;  He seemed like a nice guy, tall and blonde, but he appeared to have no interest in me;  You, on the other hand, seemed only to be interested in me, but my mind wasn’t straight and I walked away from you without saying hello.  I don’t know how you feel about meeting me again but I can assure you that my father does not have to be present at the time; In other words, don’t wait for him to join you, the gods don’t care, and you’ll be taken care of even if you are not the queen.  Do you think that prolonging the situation is increasing your popularity with the other parents or hurting it, I think it is being hurt.  When you left me at the airport you committed no crime.  If you were delinquent in your corporate affairs in Britain, that is another case, and the worst case scenario is that you claim to be mentally unwell at the time, and that your court took advantage of that weakness to have you imprisoned.  Anyways, you should know that I applied to the Canadian Armed Forces yesterday as a Maritime Systems Engineer, so it might be fun to sail around the world in a big ship - as the *very* old queen, maybe you will join us.  But they are going to investigate me first, like they do all applicants, to determine whether or not I am fit for service, so I hope letters like this don’t get in the way.  I don’t know if I love you or not because I don’t know you but by the way you looked at me in Guelph I believe you love me, so please visit, I’m waiting to see you - and please don’t wait for me to speak first, just open up and start it off.

Love,

His Majesty King James Douglas Edward of Britain