Dear Victoria Regina,

Hi mom, I am very excited about my wedding.  I invited lots of girls, like Taylor Mathis and Mercedes Blanche, and although they are very different people I think they will both fit in wonderfully.  I was also thinking about inviting some of my other classroom crushes like Evelyn Decker and Redheadlena but they are always in trouble for showing us their bodies; but I like it and I like them and I want them to be at my wedding!  

I reached out to some nice girls for their hand in marriage, I think any one of them would make an exceptional queen, the first was Makayla Demaiter she is a professional hockey goaltender who stopped my heart, she also cured my dysfunction, mom, so I think you should take her seriously if you want grandkiddies.  The second girl I reached out to was the young and insatiable Halle Bailey, she looks really kind and smart but I’m not sure if she is German, and I know how you feel about German women, but I asked for her hand just the same.  And lastly, I reached out to Maddie Tagg.  Maddie Tagg is a fashionista, berilla from Britain; I really like her.  She is close to her mother, so I think family is important to her, which is important to me (and maybe you too?)  I wanted to ask Veronika Rajek for her hand mom, but I’m scared she will just reject me and move on; I don’t know what to do.  Could you write her a letter for me and ask for her consideration?  I think the request would be more meaningful if it came from you.

I hope to see you soon, oh and by the way, I was contacted by the Naval Office of the HMCS NONSUCH, and they asked me to clarify my title so I told them about how I am His Majesty, and I also told them about my suspicious RCMP officer grandfather who died from an impossible collision on highway 60 in 1989; I hope they investigate.  But because it is the HMCS I know it is headquartered in Britain so I’m sure I’ll be going home soon; are you excited?  Anyways mom, have a good day, and eat lots of hummus, I’ll see you when you decide to turn yourself in.

Love,

His Majesty King James Douglas Edward of Britain.